Atleast I had something to cut...
Hello, my name is Tiffany and I am 21 years old. A few years ago, I endured a long, and torturous journey of self harm. I was addicted to the "high" that I would get when I cut. It was to a point where I was hitting arteries, and tendons and was on the verge of death. I would do anything for that high, even if it meant killing myself in the process. I believed that I was worth nothing, except the pain, descrimination, and self disrespect that is involved when you cut. I believed I was worthless, and that I only deserved the self disrespectful lifestyle of cutting. It was who and what I was. That was over 2 years ago now, and I happy to report that I have 18 months and 2 weeks without cutting. However, recently, I have been plagued by the urges to start self harming, and so my counsellor told me about the story of nick.
When I first read nick's story, I cant help but feel somewhat a little ashamed. Here I was, cutting my arms to pieces, when there was a guy out there with no arms. This story of Nick's has really put my journey into perspective. Instead of looking at my journey of recovery as hard and tiring, just like any recovery from addiction is, I realize just how grateful I should be. If I have Learned anything from Nick's story, it is that no matter how hard life is, no matter how tempted I may be, I should be grateful. I should be grateful for the fact that I even have arms. I should be grateful that I have legs. I should be grateful for being able to type this with fingers. I should be grateful that I am able to feed, dress, and take care of myself with such ease. While reading nicks story, I have realized just how lucky I truely am. I have realized that even though the journey to recover from cutting has been hard...atleast I have an urge to battle. Nick doesnt even have arms. he doesnt even have the option of cutting to feel a relief of stress. Everytime I want to cut now, I will think just how lucky i am to even have that otpion. Why would i destroy such a precious gift that god gave me with such a horrible act. Nick's story has truely changed my perspective on how I see the urges that plague me. I see them as a privledge. I know that sounds wierd, but I could be off a lot worse. I could have no arms, no legs, no ability to be independent. Why would I want to destroy such a great gift and essentially take my arms for granted, when people like Nick, dont have the gift of arms.
In conclusion, I cant thank Nick enough for his ability to share his story. It has truely given me a new perspective on my journey of recovery and my struggles. Whenever I want to cut now, I will think of people like nick that dont even have that option, because they dont even have arms. I will forever feel a twinge of guilt if I think of cutting, because I know just how fortunate I really am. And I should embrace the gift of my arms and not demolish them. I deserve better than that, and people like nick deserve the respect that they deserve. Thankyou Nick for opening my eyes and making me realzie just how lucky I really am.
Thankyou soooo very much,
Tiffany
(by: Tiffany Bruckner)
click to view the list of stories
|
 |
